10 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Getting Engaged

1. Do I feel safe being fully myself with this person?

Not just loved but safe to express anger, sadness, desire, doubt, and joy without shrinking or performing. From a faith lens, this is about seeing each other exactly how God made each of you. From a body perspective, this is about your body not bracing all the time.

2. How do we handle conflict when emotions run high?

Not how you wish you handled it. How it actually goes. Do you repair? Pause? Pray? Get curious? Or shut down, escalate, or avoid? Marriage doesn’t remove conflict, it reveals your patterns.

3. Do I feel closer to God and myself in this relationship, or more disconnected?

This isn’t about spiritual performance. It’s about whether this relationship supports growth, empathy, humility, and compassion or whether it pulls you away from your values and intuition. Your body often knows this before your brain does.

4. Can I listen to their experience without immediately defending mine?

This is one of the strongest predictors of long-term intimacy and connection. Do you feel able to stay present when your partner is uncomfortable, disappointed, or emotional? Or do you rush to fix, justify, or shut it down? Body-wise, this is nervous-system capacity. Spiritually, it’s seeing them as Jesus sees them, seeing their pain, being willing to sit with them in their darkness or joy and not change a single thing about their experience.

5. How do we navigate differences in faith, values, or practice?

Not “Are we identical?” But “Can we honor each other without control or resentment?” Do you make room for growth and doubt? Is your faith a central connection point instead of a power struggle?

6. Do I feel chosen, not just needed?

There’s a difference. Chosen feels mutual, intentional, and free. Needed can feel heavy, rescuing, or obligatory. Your body will often tell you which one you’re in.

7. Can we talk about sex, money, and power without shame?

These are embodied conversations, tender conversations and they live in the nervous system. If these topics feel taboo, tense, or avoided now, they won’t magically soften later. Centering these in God's design invites truth and honesty. And part of us is how God designed us, with bodies, and paying attention invites awareness of how these conversations feel in your body.

8. How do I feel after time with this person?

Calmer? More regulated? Energized? Seen? Or tense, drained, small, or anxious? One of our favorite things to check in with are the fruits of the spirit. Does your relationship generally encourage love, joy, peace, patience, kindess, goodness, gentleness and self-control? This isn’t about constant happiness. It’s about your baseline state over time. Your body keeps the score here.

9. Are we willing to practice repair, not just forgiveness?

Forgiveness without repair often leaves a bad residue. Do you know how to apologize in ways that are grace filled, empathic, honest and true? Do you revisit moments that still feel tender with compassion? Do you believe reconciliation includes responsibility and growth? That’s both spiritual maturity and relational skill.

10. Am I choosing this relationship from intention, not fear or pressure?

Not because of timelines. Not because everyone else is engaged. Not because starting over feels scary. But because you want to keep choosing this person with love, grace, presence, curiosity, and commitment. Faith trusts the unfolding. And we check whether your body agrees.

You don’t need certainty to get engaged. You need willingness, willingness to grow, to listen, to repair, to stay embodied and grounded when things get hard. Those are learnable skills, and they matter far more than perfection.

We look forward to working with you in your premarital counseling sessions, contact us today.